Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't put those talents on a resume
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
