Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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