Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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