I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize