If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
