I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
