Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.

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  (516): he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor. http://tfl.nu/s1qd
  Replies (22) Good night (5031) Bad night (768)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.

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  (203): I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis. http://tfl.nu/m2ek
  Replies (15) Good night (6361) Bad night (1161)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever

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  (773): oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever http://tfl.nu/1ydb
  Replies (16) Good night (1104) Bad night (3340)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.

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  (816): I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird. http://tfl.nu/t4fk
  Replies (2) Good night (1391) Bad night (846)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!

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  (862): I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands! http://tfl.nu/blis
  Replies (33) Good night (6531) Bad night (1447)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.

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  (617): he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes. http://tfl.nu/atub
  Replies (9) Good night (627) Bad night (2574)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.

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  (519): currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy. http://tfl.nu/g3do
  Replies (4) Good night (707) Bad night (1138)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."

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  (402): You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated." http://tfl.nu/111j
  Replies (2) Good night (1308) Bad night (876)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE

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  (563): Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE http://tfl.nu/qgoo
  Replies (6) Good night (1722) Bad night (614)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.

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  (574): It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers. http://tfl.nu/dqn1
  Replies (3) Good night (698) Bad night (497)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.

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  (412): FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL. http://tfl.nu/yext
  Replies (3) Good night (567) Bad night (357)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me

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  (814): I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me http://tfl.nu/v541
  Replies (2) Good night (471) Bad night (676)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I need a genital shamwow being this wet.

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  (301): I need a genital shamwow being this wet. http://tfl.nu/u5kj
  Replies (2) Good night (856) Bad night (310)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!

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  (816): Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila! http://tfl.nu/cnc4
  Replies (3) Good night (505) Bad night (304)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.

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  (203): I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch. http://tfl.nu/vpl3
  Replies (1) Good night (482) Bad night (162)

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