I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots