sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dating After Heartbreak
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..