kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.