Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

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(612): I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school. http://tfl.nu/cnqq

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(404): View more from Georgia

you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?

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(404): you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you? http://tfl.nu/z87e

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(858): View more from California

Do you think there is vodka in heaven?

(619): View more from California

you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity

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(858): Do you think there is vodka in heaven? (619): you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity http://tfl.nu/y8gk

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(620): View more from Kansas

The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".

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(620): The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices". http://tfl.nu/jiwo

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".

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(724): He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming". http://tfl.nu/90md

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(845): View more from New York

No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown

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(845): No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown http://tfl.nu/5hg1

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(480): View more from Arizona

Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.

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(480): Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes. http://tfl.nu/0e2s

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(541): View more from Oregon

Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.

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(541): Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body. http://tfl.nu/3ysy

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.

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(570): I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club. http://tfl.nu/5u2s

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(415): View more from California

I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.

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(415): I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain. http://tfl.nu/kod9

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(828): View more from North Carolina

you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.

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(828): you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire. http://tfl.nu/efxs

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(585): View more from New York

Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.

(1-585): View more from New York

How high are you?

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(585): Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies. (1-585): How high are you? http://tfl.nu/ixro

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(575): View more from New Mexico

Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.

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(575): Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies. http://tfl.nu/3spj

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.

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(920): He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast. http://tfl.nu/jvhf

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.

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(724): Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall. http://tfl.nu/yi3c

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