i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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