Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  You're my little dorito

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  (269): You're my little dorito http://tfl.nu/8gay
  Replies (4) Good night (1602) Bad night (592)
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  (949): View more from California

  I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful

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  (949): I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful http://tfl.nu/bv6a
  Replies (22) Good night (3435) Bad night (841)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."

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  (508): She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth." http://tfl.nu/jx23
  Replies (5) Good night (2841) Bad night (829)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together

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  (812): the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together http://tfl.nu/nmyc
  Replies (21) Good night (4001) Bad night (683)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?

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  (603): he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float? http://tfl.nu/0v16
  Replies (21) Good night (891) Bad night (5155)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas

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  (251): I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas http://tfl.nu/8b13
  Replies (10) Good night (788) Bad night (3660)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.

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  (417): My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong. http://tfl.nu/opsu
  Replies (14) Good night (1042) Bad night (7741)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.

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  (402): He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him. http://tfl.nu/b1lr
  Replies (8) Good night (3847) Bad night (1532)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.

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  (506): I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number. http://tfl.nu/oux0
  Replies (11) Good night (5985) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..

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  (716): She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet.. http://tfl.nu/0ox8
  Replies (4) Good night (2143) Bad night (949)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.

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  (701): He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon. http://tfl.nu/hvqj
  Replies (5) Good night (1552) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.

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  (319): As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em. http://tfl.nu/jzfe
  Replies (2) Good night (1974) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.

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  (973): If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will. http://tfl.nu/voi6
  Replies (2) Good night (926) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.

  (936): View more from Texas

  You are the coolest girlfriend ever.

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  (903): Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us. (936): You are the coolest girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/hjex
  Replies (4) Good night (1582) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me

  (206): View more from Washington

  That is an interesting fear as well as image

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  (510): Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me (206): That is an interesting fear as well as image http://tfl.nu/r0xy
  Replies (2) Good night (419) Bad night (443)

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