My sheets look like a crime scene.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize