well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
