atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
