i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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