Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
