I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My friends, they love my intelligence
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
