My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Banned from zoo.
Again?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
