I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Terrible idea I love it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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