barbara walters just said penis...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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