what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
