obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
