Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
