there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
