I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
