my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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