apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Operation Purity has been aborted
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
