It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
