i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
