Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
