Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize