Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
