Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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