Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
