thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
