I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
