I wannas sexs uuuuu
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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