i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
