In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
