Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
