so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
