Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize