Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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