Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
