Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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