who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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