I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
