Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
