you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
