I want to have your abortion
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
