This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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