the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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