my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
