I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
