I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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