They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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