i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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