This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
