My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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