i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
