when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
