How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
