his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
