My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
