Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
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There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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