Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
