In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
