How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
