why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
