fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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