I want to have your abortion
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
