so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
