I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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