She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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