Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
