She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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