first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
