did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
