ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
