tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
