I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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