Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
