the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
