After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just pee around me
Randomize
