This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
