oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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