I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
