I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
