You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
