He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
