I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
